Sometimes I sit here after the last child has cried (which tends to be my five year old drama queen), and I wonder, "How do I keep my sanity?" Seriously, no one told me that being a mom also meant sacrificing parts of your mental stability. Don't get me wrong I love my kids and I'd die without them, but there are moments in the day when I feel like disappearing inside myself where the cries for 'mommy' can't be heard and more importantly can't make me feel so damn inadequate. It's amazing really, the sound of your child's voice can comfort you on the darkest of days in the lonliest of moments and as the hands of time count off thirty seconds, that same voice can take every last bit of patience, restraint, and sanity that you have left.
Am I a horrible mom? I don't think so. When my husband comes home from work and breathes his sigh of relief after a longggggg harddddd day, I want to smack him. How can he not know how hard this is, motherhood that is? It's because no one calls out for him in the middle of the night when the monsters come out from under the bed. No one expects him to get their snacks, their dinners, their toys, the sun, the moon, and the stars all wrapped up pretty with a nice little bow. That's just it...no one expects him to be anything more than what he is, a husband. I'm not trying to disc husbands, hell I have one and most days I'm fond of him, but the world has no expectations for fathers to be superheros. Why then does the world expect mothers to be no less than one?
The hands of time pass and I know that someday I'll miss these moments. Moments of putting my kid back into bed ten times before she actually stays. Moments every morning of yelling, "Go Potty," "Get Dressed," "Eat your breakfast," and knowing that after I've said them I'll have to repeat each one at least five more times. Moments when sanity seemed so far out of reach that I started a blog just to have a place to write all this down to empty a tiny space in my head that I could claim as my own.
Someone told me once that motherhood was the single hardest job you'd ever do in your life. Thanks mom.....you hit that nail right on the head.
